Arm”STRONG”
Jessica Armstrong is a thriver. That’s my word for someone who exceeds expectations. On top of proving every negative statistic wrong (you know the ones) she has excelled in life. Jessica was a 2017 RTB scholar, receiving support during her final year in school. She proudly graduated from Ashford University in 2018 with a degree in Business Administration, is a loving and attentive mom to three absolutely adorable little ones, and refuses let the dark cloud of her past cast a shadow on her or her kids. She is an example of determination, perseverance, and strength. Below is an excerpt of my interview with her.
“I had a rough childhood. My father is serving 3 life sentences for rape and child pornography, among other crimes, and I was verbally and physically abused by my mom and stepdad. At one point, I wanted to work for child services because I always felt my story could help others. But I never had an outlet to get my story out there, until now.
I was 2 the first time my dad got in trouble. I wasn’t allowed to see him for awhile, and then when visits started back up I’d stay at my nanny’s (his mom) house and he’d visit me there. He was married 3 times. His last wife was only 13 years older than me.
When I was 9, I moved in with my dad and nanny because my home life with my mom and stepdad was very rocky. A few memories stand out. There was a night I spent sleeping on a friend’s porch. I walked to her house after a bad night with my mom and stepdad, but my friend fell asleep before I got to her house. Another time, I stayed at another friend’s house for a few weeks before my mom sent the police to get me. My friend’s dad was close to fighting the officer. He wanted to protect me. Even after showing pictures of how I looked when I arrived at their house, the police still made me go home.
When I finally ended up with my dad I thought things would get better, but they didn’t. Looking back, there were lots of red flags. My dad would make comments about how it was ok for him to come in while I was showering because he was my dad. He did a lot of nonchalant things like that. I was 10 the first time I remember him touching me, and it went on for about a year. He had also done the same to a few of my friends, which is how he ended up getting caught. One of my friends reported him to the school.
I’ll never forget the day the detectives and caseworker came and took me from the school. I lied. I was terrified, and I swore I didn’t know what they were talking about. Thankfully they knew better. To this day I still have contact with the caseworker. She’s played such a positive role in my life. I eventually moved back in with my mom, and began going to crisis counseling at the Red Cross rape crisis center. I saw a lady named Kim for a while until she reported my mom and stepdad to children’s services. My mom wouldn’t let me see her anymore, but once I was old enough to drive I started seeing her on my own, and have stayed in contact over the years despite no longer seeing her for counseling.
In 2015 (I believe), Kim reached out to me to speak at a charity event for the rape crisis center. After sharing my story, a lady came up to me in tears and asked what county I lived in when the rape occurred. I told her and instantly she hugged me. She told me she was the case worker that took me from school, that I defined her career, and that she’d worried about me all those years. She felt so happy to know I was ok.
The cycle of abuse is hard to break. I spent 7 years with my girls’ dad. I swore I could fix him. He came from a really rough upbringing. His mom had him at 15. She never told him she loved him until he was an adult. Most of his family either used or sold drugs (or both). So, I made it my mission to show him he was worthy of love. He really tried to break the cycle, but in the end he just couldn’t, or just didn’t know how. It wasn’t until later in life that I realized that I was so accepting of his actions because it was all I knew. I let the good days where I’d see a glimpse of love outweigh the bad, because I just wanted to be loved. The only time in my life I remember truly feeling loved was by my dad’s mom, but she passed away the year my dad went to prison. There may have been a second time - a man I probably should’ve married, loved me with his whole soul, but I was in a bad place and didn’t know how to accept his love. So now I’m on a journey to learn to love myself because I’ve learned I can’t expect others to love me if I don’t!
In high school I’d always planned on going to art school for graphic design and photography. I wanted to go to an out-of-state school, but I was pregnant with my oldest son my senior year, so those plans changed. I decided to pursue a career in human and social services. I then began working at FirstEnergy in 2011. This is what led me to change to a business degree. After being told by my grandparents that I’d never be anything or make anything of my life due to my kids being biracial, NOT going to school was NEVER an option.
I went to school online because as a single mom of 2 (eventually 3), who was working full time (often 2 jobs) I just didn’t have time for in-person classes. The schedule was pretty flexible, so it made it easy to fit in around my work schedule. I changed my degree to business administration with a specialization in marketing and minor in sociology with the goal of developing a long-term career with the company. Upon completion of my bachelor’s degree, I began working on my master’s degree in teaching and learning with technology in order to become an instructor in FirstEnergy’s workforce development group. In December of 2019, after 8 years with the company, I FINALLY landed that role!! My boss told me my degree was the only reason I got the job over several more experienced applicants.
I received financial aid for most of my degree, however I ran out of funding towards the end of my bachelor’s degree. That was when I found Raise the Barr. I have no idea what I’d have done/where I’d be with my schooling and career right now had it not been for the scholarship! I heard so many horror stories while in school about people who spend all their time and money to get a degree they never end up using. So many times I wanted to give up, but now, being in a job that I absolutely love, I see that all the blood, sweat, and tears were worth it!
When it comes to recent challenges presented by Covid, I feel fortunate that I have the ability to work from home. I work for a great company who puts their employees first. I’ve been able to balance work with being home with the kids. I think the hardest part for our family (aside from the insane amount of money I’ve had to spend on groceries) has been learning how to slow down. We are so used to being on the go, so adjusting was a little difficult. We knew, however, that we had to be careful because my son and I both have respiratory issues.
When I became a parent, my only goal was to never let my kids go through what I did. The father of my children was physically abusive, and for years I stayed, thinking they needed their dad. Finally, I realized I was exposing them to things they should never have to experience, and I got us out. If I get into telling my whole story we will be here forever - but my message is always YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU WANT IN THIS LIFE!! No obstacle is too big! I am living breathing proof of that."
I hope Jessica's story helps others who have similar experiences and serves as an example of the enormous power of a woman. Never allow someone to tell you that you can't or won't, whether in word of deed. Just like Jessica, you can and will because you are a woman, and you are strong!